508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Randomize
