he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
