Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
