There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
