Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
wow bdsm is so cute
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