After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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