Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Everyone says I win the strip club
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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