So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
