my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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