Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
