my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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