My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
