He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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