Someone shit on the floor
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's blow job season.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
