My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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