My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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