tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
