You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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