So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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