Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
