Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
