Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
