You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We are all done wearing pants today
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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