she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
