If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
