Those balls look pretty dangerous.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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