Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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