I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Its about making memories worth repressing
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
