i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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