I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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