Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
