Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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