My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
