you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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