Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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