did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
