I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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