Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
