loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
not ubering you a puppy
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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