I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
