Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
