Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
