I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
