Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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