it hurts more in the daytime
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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