there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
