that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
