Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
