Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
