hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
