you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
